


Violet Blood and Tears

by driftingRomantic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cutting, Emotional Hurt, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Red Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 14:42:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driftingRomantic/pseuds/driftingRomantic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it all becomes too much for Eridan to bear, he starts to harm himself to relieve the stress. No one seems to notice or care at first, but then Sollux starts to notice the change in Eridan. When he catches on to the truth, Sollux does what he can to try and stop Eridan. This is the story of their long and painful journey towards a matespritship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: This chapter contains self-harm (i.e. cutting)

Eridan let out a sigh as he lay back with his head against the base of his bed. He really needed to gather together some self-control; this would be the fourth time today. But the urge was set too deep in his mind to back out now. He needed this, couldn’t face the rest of the day without it. Eridan promised himself that this would be the final time today that he would do this. Looking down at his hands, the prince gently fingered the sharp knife he was holding. 

It was a simple instrument he had pocketed on a whim whilst Kanaya was patching up his broken face. He had been quarreling with Sollux once again. Honestly, Eridan couldn’t even remember now how the fight had started. It was something trivial, he was almost sure of it (not that he’d ever admit that something he had to say was to be considered trivial), but the argument had heated up as both sides were unwilling to back down. Normally the give and take with injuries from their fights was pretty even, but Eridan had received a particularly nasty gash on his left cheek this time. After Sollux had left, Kanaya had offered to stitch close the wound, if only to prevent Eridan from dying of infection later. Back in the medical ward, Eridan had spied the scalpel among the other instruments littered by the reclining operating table. For no conscious reason on his part that he could think of, Eridan snatched the knife and stuck it in his back pocket while Kanaya had her back turned. Kanaya proceeded to cleanse the now closed wound with some rubbing alcohol she had found in one of the room’s upper cabinets. Eridan hissed; the solution burned. He made to clutch at his stinging cheek before Kanaya stopped him, warning him not to touch the injury until it was fully healed. Eridan glared at her, but mumbled a ‘thanks’ under his breath as he made to leave. She had gone out of her way to help him, after all. Kanaya watched his retreating back as he clutched his cape to his person with a flourish and headed for his room. If she noticed the missing scalpel, she didn’t mention it to Eridan.

This had happened a few months back. In total, Eridan had needed five stitched for his wounded cheek. Despite Kanaya’s warning, he had poked at his cheek as soon as he saw himself in his bathroom mirror. That had hurt. Eridan took a mental note to actually listen to Kanaya’s advice once in a while. Peering closer at himself, he sneered openly at the mark left by Sollux. ‘How dare that piss-blood mar my flawless face’, he thought to himself. But then he smirked once he remembered the bruises and the slight limp he had given Sollux. ‘It almost makes the desecration of my face worth it.’ 

Eridan made his way across the room and leaped on to his bed back first, but yelped and shot up immediately when he felt a sharp stab in his ass. Getting up gingerly, Eridan felt his slightly sore hindquarters and noticed a solid lump in his back pocket. Of course, he had forgotten about the knife he had taken from the medical ward earlier. After making sure no serious damage had been done to his backside, Eridan removed the knife and held it before his bright yellow eyes.

It wasn’t a very large knife, but it was very sharp. ‘This wouldn’t be very useful in a fight’, Eridan thought, completely ignoring the fact that the knife was, in fact, not made for fights. Cautiously as he could, he moved his index finger over the tip of the scalpel and pressed down ever so slightly. Eridan let out a startled yelp for the second time that day when he felt a small stab of pain shoot up his finger. A small drop of violet blood collected at his fingertip. Eridan silently berated himself while he sucked on the tip of his injured finger. Of course it was going to hurt when he did that, what else had he expected to happen? Still, he gave the knife a loaded look before setting it down on the top of his dresser. 

Moving towards his empty desk, Eridan decided to see if there was anyone currently willing to speak with him on Trollian. Logging on to his account, he saw five other trolls online. First on the list was Tavros. That was a no; when had he ever even spoken to the lowblood? Next there was Nepeta and Terezi. Both possible options, but he’d rather not have to deal with either of their roleplaying nonsense at the moment. Karkat? No, he’d just be yelled at for starting a fight with Sollux earlier. Eridan decided he would rather not deal with Karkat’s obnoxious all-caps text. Last on the list was Feferi. Eridan hesitated over her name. He desperately wanted to chat with his ex-moirail. But he decided against it when he realized she would not feel the same way, especially after he had just finished beating up her precious waste-of-space lowblooded pet. Eridan felt the beginning of small tears prickling at the corners of his eyes when he thought of those two together, laughing and smiling (Or rather just a tiny upward quirk of the lips on Sollux’s part). He hated how happy Feferi always was around that mopey bipolar ass, and he hated himself for selfishly wishing that Fef would only smile for him. She deserved to be happy, even if it crushed his heart to watch.

Snapping himself out of his self-pity party, Eridan moved to log off Trollian and turn off his husktop. As fate would have it though, just before he was about to sign off a certain yellow-blooded troll’s username appeared in the online box. Eridan was still pretty pissed off at Sollux, though recent events had distracted him from that fact. Seeing the yellow colored text managed to bring back almost the same level of anger he had when they were still fighting. He hovered his mouse momentarily over Sollux’s username before clicking on it and opening up a chat window.

CA: Hey Sol, wwhat’s up? Still feelin sore from the major beatin I gave ya?

TA: Oh God, what do you want now, Eriidan?

CA: Wwoww, rude much? I wwas just checkin up on my favorite lowwblooded piece of scum to see howw he wwas doin

TA: Gee, I’m flattered, really I am. But iif you kiindly wouldn’t mind pii22iing off, that’d be great. I’m kiind of bu2y riight now.

CA: Doin wwhat, more codin? Wwhat’s more important than talkin to the guy that royally kicked your sorry bass?

TA: Eriidan, I can’t deal wiith your retarded fi2h pun2 today, I have a headache becau2e 2ome total douche nozzle deciided to 2tart a fiight wiith me for no rea2on. It’2 not my fault iif no one el2e want2 to talk to the poor lonely fi2h boy riight now. So go take your pi22-poor attiitude 2omewhere el2e becau2e I’m not gonna be your 2houlder to cry on today.

Eridan just gapped at the screen as he read through what Sollux typed. Him, lonely? Piss-poor attitude? Sure, he knew he was lonely, but he never assumed it was so obvious. He thought he had done a pretty good job of hiding it. Besides, what right did this worthless dirtscrappin’ bulge-sucking waste pile have to judge him. Eridan took a moment to compose himself before responding.

CA: If anyone right noww has a piss-poor attitude it’s you Sol. Wwhich I guess makes sense considerin your piss-poor spot on the hemospectrum. And if I evver needed a shoulder to cry on for any reason (wwhich I don’t), wwhy wwould you evver think that I wwould come to you? Your vvery existence is a plague on trollmanity. You are wworth less than wwoofbeast shit and deservve evvery bit of sufferin that comes your wway.

Eridan paused after that little outburst of text. He noticed himself breathing heavily and tried to take deep slow breaths. He didn’t mean to get so worked up, but something about what Sol was saying managed to touch a nerve in him. Eridan waited another moment before a reply was posted.

TA: …Well that reply diidn’t 2ound defen2iive at all.

CA: It wwasn’t! You’re readin into these things too much, Sol. I wwas just statin the facts. You are wworthless and you deservve evvery bit of misery in your life.

TA: Ok, you know what? I’ve had enough of your 2hiit for one day. You wanna iin2ult me? Fiine. But maybe you 2hould take a look at your own liife and your own fault2 before poiintiing out someone el2e2. For all the 2hiit you di2h out to other2, you better be prepared to receiive ju2t a2 much iin return.

CA: Sol, does this rant havve a point to it? Cause you’re kind of startin to bore me here.

TA: Yeah, ED, iit doe2. And maybe iif you actually li2tened for once in2tead of con2tantly flappiing your mouth, you’d learn 2omethiing.

CA: …Alright Sol, you’vve momentarily crabbed my attention. Noww howw about spittin out wwhat you wwanna say before I lose interest again.

TA: You, Eriidan Ampora, are the mo2t loathe2ome de2perate troll on thii2 entiire a2teroiid. You can’t accept the fact that FF left you becau2e you were a terriible moiiraiil who never gave and only took. You take out all your anger and mi2ery on me becau2e you can’t 2tand to 2ee her wiith anyone but you. You de2perately throw your2elf at anyone who wiill 2o much a2 giive you the tiime of day becau2e you are 2ad pathetiic 2ack that requiire2 con2tant attentiion from other2. You are whiiny and needy and your 2tupiid accent grate2 on everyone2 nerve2. You thiink you are the mo2t iimportant troll here when really we could all get on just fiine wiithout you. In fact, we would all be happiier and much better off iif you weren’t here. In conclu2iion, Ampora, you are completely worthle22 in the eye2 of all your teammate2 and iit would be iin everyone2 be2t intere2t iif you ju2t dropped dead.

And with that final comment, Sollux exited their chat window and logged off of Trollian, feeling much better after his rant. Eridan, on the other hand, felt like Sollux had just repeatedly punched him in the gut. He couldn’t do anything for a full ten minutes but stare shocked at the still open chat window on his husktop screen.

Slowly, with shaking hands, Eridan reached over to close the chat window. He soon realized his whole body was shaking as he sat in his chair. Was this really what everyone thought of him, or was Sollux just being an ass? Eridan sat there, trying to convince himself that it was all lies. He was a prince for cod’s sake; no one was immune to his charms. And even if they somehow were, why did he have to prove himself to the common rabble? They should worship the very ground he walks on. They should-

Eridan felt the tears he had been trying so very hard to hold back pour down his cheeks. They stung as they passed by the stitched up tear on his face. A single choked sob escaped his lips, then another. Suddenly he was sobbing loudly into his hands and gasping for air. The self-loathing that he had managed to bury deep inside himself started to surface as he realized that everything Sollux had said was true, oh cod it was all true!

Eridan got up out of his chair and stared at himself in the mirror, more tears still streaming down his face. He looked at the scar on his face and began to see it in a different light. ‘This ugly slash across my cheek, it’s a good representation of who I am inside,’ Eridan thought, ‘Sollux is right, I don’t deserve the life I have.’ Dark thoughts circled inside his head as he continued to stare at himself in the mirror.

A new idea struck him as he stood there. If his existence was such a mistake, why should he continue to burden the others with it? This seemed a satisfactory and somewhat poetic answer to him. Now he just needed a way to go through with it. Glancing down in contemplation, Eridan laid eyes on the very knife he had lifted earlier that morning. Perfect. Along with ending his life, he could give the other trolls the joy of getting to see his beautiful blood hue all over the floor. Gamzee, at least, might enjoy that.

Eridan plucked the scalpel off the dresser top and sat on the edge of his bed. Slowly, he pointed the knife towards his throat and inched it forward. This was it; he was going to do it. He was going to take his worthless life so that the others might have some peace of mind. The tip of the blade now rested against his jugular. He could feel his pulse racing. ‘So close, just thrust it forwards another few inches and it’s over,’ he thought. His hands shook as he counted down. ‘One, two…’

He dropped the knife back on to his lap. ‘Well, I suppose this can be added to my list of faults; I’m a coward as well as useless.’ He choked back another sob as he played with the blade in his hands. Still, the Prince of Hope felt that he should still be punished in some way for both his cowardice and his continued existence. With a sudden spark of determination in his eyes, Eridan brought the knife down along his arm. It stung fiercely, but it also brought a strange relief. Eridan watched as his anxiety and despair washed away with the blood gushing from his arm to form a pool on the floor. A tiny smile graced his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

Sollux didn’t understand. It had been a month since the last fight between himself and Eridan. At most, it usually only took Eridan a few days of moping around the asteroid before he came looking to start something between them again. Sollux didn’t miss the confrontations of course, that would be stupid, but it was disconcerting nonetheless. In fact, for the first couple of days after the fight he didn’t even see Eridan anywhere. This was odd, but still not worth worrying about. Sollux simply didn’t have the sympathy to spare for that pathetic fish boy, not when he spent so much energy on his own thoughts of self-loathing.

When Sollux finally did see Eridan about a week later, he felt something was off about him. He stared at the cape-clad troll out of the corner of his eye to see if he couldn’t find out what was different about him. The first thing he noticed was that Eridan appeared to be avoiding eye contact with all the other trolls. He just seemed to keep his gaze centered at a point on the floor before his feet as he walked toward the kitchen area. Eridan shuffled over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup, black with two sugar cubes. ‘The douche probably thinks that cream would cramp his hipster image,’ Sollux thought. 

Stretching out of his computer chair, Sollux thought now was an excellent time to get a cup of the caffeinated drink. He didn’t particularly enjoy coffee (It was too bitter for him) but it did give him the extra energy he needed to stay up late into the night coding. Sollux tried to sleep as little as possible. He didn’t enjoy the nightmares that came with sleeping. If it wasn’t a necessity to his existence, he would cut out sleep altogether.

Aside from the sorely needed caffeine, Sollux saw this as a perfect opportunity to get a closer look at Eridan and find out what was wrong. Maybe he could even get some dirt on him to blackmail and humiliate him with later. Sollux smiled at that thought as he padded into the kitchen.

First things first, some coffee was in order. Sollux poured himself a cup. He then proceeded to ruin the drink with tons of added cream and sugar. The yellow blood glanced over to see if Eridan looked at all disgusted by the amount of sweetener he had added to his coffee. Eridan didn’t even seem to notice, so absorbed was he in his own mind, staring blankly at his own mug of coffee. Well if Eridan wasn’t going to start something, then Sollux would just have to go ahead and take the lead. He took a sip of his drink before turning to ED.

“Thup, fithdick. You look like thit.”

Eridan jumped about a foot in the air and turned to look at Sollux. And indeed, he did look like shit. There were dark bags hanging from under his eyes and his face was about three shades paler than should be considered healthy. Eridan managed to look Sollux in the eyes for about six seconds before he averted his gaze. This drastic change in both physical appearance and attitude shocked Sollux greatly, although he didn’t let it show on his face. Instead, he decided to keep up his nosy shtick until he could goad a reaction out of Eridan. Maybe he missed their altercations a little bit…

“Hey Eridork, I’m talking to you. Alternia to ED, can you thpeak?”

Eridan continued to stare in any direction but at Sollux before muttering a muted, “Not in the mood,” and turning to walk away. Sollux watched him retreat for about a second before snapping to his senses. He set down his coffee and went after the fish boy.

“Hey ED, theriouthly what’th with you today? Have you been holed up in your room for the whole patht week? I thought being antithocial was my thing and you were thoppothed to be a flamboyant dick?”

Sollux made a grab for Eridan’s sleeve. When his hand made contact with his clothed wrist, Eridan visibly flinched. He quickly snatched his arm away from out of Sollux’s reach. Sollux looked up at ED to see what his damage was, but hastily swallowed the snarky remark he was about to make when he saw his face. Eridan was staring wide-eyed at Sollux. He could hear Eridan softly hyperventilating and see tear pricks at the corners of his eyes. He was obviously trying very hard to keep it together in front of Sollux. Eridan’s front fangs peeked out just a bit to worry at his bottom lip before he turned away suddenly from the other troll. The clacking heels of his shoes could be heard as Eridan practically ran out of the room.

Sollux glanced around the room to see if any of the other trolls had viewed that little scene of dramatics. They all seemed to be too absorbed in their own various activities to notice something was amiss. Of course, who could tell with Eridan, he was always acting so dramatic to begin with.

Something told Sollux that what he had witnessed with Eridan wasn’t just another cheap cry for attention though. Despite what he had seen, he still couldn’t bring himself to care that much. Eridan was still a total douche, even if he was hurting about something. Besides, it not like this was Sollux’s problem; he had nothing to do with Eridan and his pathetically weak emotional state.

Making up his mind to not think about this little exchange that the two of them had had for the rest of the evening, Sollux went back to his computer chair. It wasn’t very long before he was once again immersed in coding and reading some of Karkat’s rant posts. But in the very back of his mind, a part of Sollux continued to wonder about what had happened to Eridan to make him act so meek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of chapter two! Hmmm, I seem to be most inspired to write late at night. Oh well, whatever works for me I guess. This chapter is twice as short as the first was, but this story is meant to be viewed more from Eridan’s POV anyways. Hope y’all enjoyed  
> ~dR


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter contains self-harm (i.e. cutting)

Eridan ran through the halls. He managed to make it to his room and slam the door to his room shut before letting out a loud sob. The sea-dweller cradled his mug of warm coffee to his chest. ‘That had been so close,’ he thought worriedly to himself, ‘Sollux almost saw… my scars…’ Eridan slumped back against his door and slid to the ground, placing his mug next to himself. 

He stared dejectedly at his clothed wrists. Slowly, he pulled back his sleeves one at a time. The inside of both his wrists were riddled with old scars. Eridan yanked his sleeves back further, past his elbows. Even more scars could be seen along his arms, the place he had chosen to mar his skin with after he had run out of room on his wrists. Eridan worried his bottom lip with his teeth; he was beginning to run out of room there too. 

For a brief moment he was thankful of the fact that his problem was so easy to hide from the others. His outfit covered almost all of his skin, and certainly no one had any real reason to come close to him or inspect his exposed body. Of course this seemed a bittersweet victory to him. No one cared enough to notice that anything was amiss with poor pathetic Ampora. The reason he started cutting was also the reason why he could continue to do so undisturbed. It was a depressing thought, and that just made Eridan want to continue on with his newfound “hobby” even more.

Eridan forced himself to stand, abandoning his coffee for the moment. He crossed the room to stand in front of his bedroom mirror, already eagerly anticipating what was to come. Eridan’s fingers shook as unsteady hands grasped the knob to his dresser drawer and yanked back. Inside his eyes poured over everything he needed to help himself relax. There was a straight razor (An improvement to the simple scalpel he had utilized the first time), a pile of fresh rags for cleaning up, a needle and thread to patch himself up with if he accidently went too far, and some antiseptic (To cleanse the wound with). Eridan may have been harming himself, but that didn’t mean that he wanted to risk an infection. Besides, if he got sick then someone (most likely Kanaya) would have to inspect his body to see what the matter was. Eridan most certainly didn’t want that. He shuddered at the looks of disgust he imagined would be present on the other trolls faces if they discovered the truth. Why lower himself in their eyes more so than he already was?

Eridan carefully plucked the razor from the drawer, along with the antiseptic and one of the rags. He moved to sit cross-legged on the edge of his bed, placing the items he carried next to him. He hurriedly unclasped the grandiose cape from around his neck. It slid off Eridan’s shoulders to slink soundlessly on to the bed behind him. Next he removed his shirt, being cautious to avoid tearing it on his horns.

Eridan liked to think of the whole process as a sort of near-daily ritual. Setting up his tools of the trade was almost as calming as the act that followed the preparation. But it wasn’t enough to just feel calm for him; no, Eridan knew that without that physical release that he now depended on, he couldn’t face the day.

Reaching for the razor, Eridan double-checked to make sure everything was within grabbing distance from where he sat. He pressed the flat edge of the blade against his forearm and shivered; it felt cold on his skin. Taking a mental note of the high number of scars on his arms, Eridan told himself that he would have to find a new location for this activity the next time he did it. Eridan took a deep breath to steady himself. He knew what was coming, yet he did this every time. Every time he hesitated, afraid of the sharp pain (so different from wounds received in battle), afraid of the shame that comes after, afraid someone will notice and most of all, afraid no one will ever notice.

Thoughts swirling through his head, Eridan needed the relief more than ever. He slashed open his arm with practiced ease. Blood instantly started to well up and pool into the crook of his arm. It spilled over, dripping from his elbow and on to the floor. Eridan was careful not to get it on the bedspread. He may be spilling his own blood, but there was no need to make an unnecessary mess.

Eridan let out a small sob of relief. It felt so good. He could already feel his troubles vanishing. Looking down, he cut his arm open once more. Eridan’s violet blood was already flowing freely, and the new injury only added to the stream. Taking a moment to let himself enjoy the afterglow, the broken prince lay back on his bed, careful to cradle his arm to his chest.

This part was always his favorite. Eridan felt almost high on the pain at this point; no dark thoughts clouded his mind. Of course the crash was never fun, but it was worth it for the few moments of bliss and peace he got out of it. 

It wasn’t long before Eridan could feel himself coming back down to Alternia. Groaning, he lifted himself back up to bandage his arm. The sea troll felt himself wobble a bit as he rose up; he must have lost more blood this time than he had anticipated. But the blood flow had slowed down considerably, so there was no immediate medical threat there. Eridan applied the burning antiseptic to his arm and then proceeded to meticulously wrap up his new cuts.

Satisfied, he picked up all the extra litter on his bed and placed it either in the trash or back in his drawer. With everything else in order, and with nothing else to distract him from his own mind, Eridan began to feel a bit depressed again. He was such a coward, hiding away all the evidence like some kind of criminal. He didn’t want to deal with the waking world right now. Eridan started to pull off his pants so he could take a nap when he heard a knock on his door. He froze when he heard the other troll’s voice.

“Eridan, it’th me Thollux. Open your god damn door tho I can talk to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hums contentedly to herself*


	4. Chapter 4

Eridan stood rooted to the floor as Sollux knocked on the door a second time. This situation could go downhill fast if he didn’t do something about it quickly. He did not want to be caught (quite literally) with his pants down. First things first, Eridan pulled his pants back up around his waist. He called out with a slight waver in his voice, “G-go away Sol, I’m b-busy right now.”

Eridan wasn’t sure if Sollux would buy that and leave him alone. He held his breath as there was a pause in the knocking at his door. Sollux soon replied, “Eridan, I really don’t care what the fuck you’re doing right now. I wanna know what that weird-ath display was earlier and you’re gonna talk to me about it whether you want to or not.” No dice, that asshole sure was persistent. It was worth a try though.

Still, Eridan refused to open the door when in his current vulnerable position. Sollux could complain all he wanted as long as he was on the other side of the door; the seadweller wasn’t budging. He stood silently in the middle of the room with his arms wrapped around his naked torso, willing the psiionic to go away. Neither participant on either side of the door was planning on giving in any time soon.

Another stretch of silence rang for almost a full minute before Sollux spoke again. “Eridan, if you don’t let me in and talk to me I am going to wrench open thith thtupid goddamned door and let mythelf in!”

“Fuck you Sol don’t ruin my door! I don’t wanna talk right now, go away!” Eridan shouted.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Eridan could hear the snap of the yellow-blood’s psiionics as his door was slowly pulled back on its hinges. The prince was starting to feel the onset of a mini panic attack as he frantically searched for something clean to cover the top half of his body with. Too little too late, the door to his room was released from its frame with a final crack.

Eridan stood exposed in front of the doorway as Sollux was momentarily distracted with placing the ruined door down carefully. ‘It’s ok,’ he quickly assured himself, ‘So you don’t have a shirt on, big deal. It’s not like Sol has the brain capacity to connect the dots. Besides, I put everything else away; he has no evidence, nothing to go on. Wait, I’m not being interrogated here; he just wants to know why I was acting strange before. Just gotta act normal. I can do that. Oh fuck he’s turning towards me what do I say?’

Eridan kept his arms crossed protectively as he stared at Sol. Sollux stared right back, eyes widening slightly when he saw that the other troll in front of him was shirtless. “W-well thanks a lot f-for r-ruining my d-door, Sol. How am I s-s-supposed to get that f-fixed, now?” Well fuck, that stuttering certainly didn’t help in maintaining his act of normalcy. Luckily it didn’t seem as though Sollux had noticed.

“I really don’t care how you deal with your door. May I athk why you’re half naked?”

Eridan looked down at himself before snapping his eyes back up at the other, a telltale frown in place. “Well seein as how this is my room, I believe I maintain the right to be in whatever state of dress that I please. It’s not like I was expectin company. Now what do you want…” He mumbled off the last bit into a barely audible whisper.

Sollux glared at the other, trying to see if he could decipher what Eridan’s deal was just by looking hard enough. He noticed that his crossed arms were covered in bandages. They looked to be quite recent. Small purple splotches of blood could be seen beginning to stain the material. What could Eridan have been doing so recently that caused those wounds? Aside from his oddly recluse behavior earlier, nothing had seemed to be off with the fish prince. It couldn’t have been from fighting, the only one willing to scuffle with Eridan on occasion was Sollux himself.

Sollux brought his eyes back up towards Eridan’s face. Said troll was trying his hardest to look anywhere but back in the other’s direction. “Hey ED,” Eridan’s fins perked up to show he was listening, “Where did you get those wounds on your arms?”

It was almost shocking how quickly all the blood managed to drain from Eridan’s face at that comment. Violet eyes flashed up to meet blue and red before snapping down to stay fixed to the floor. Sollux could see fear written all over the parts of the seatroll’s face that he wasn’t able to hide. It had just been a simple remark, but now he was curious. What could possibly cause such a frightened reaction in the other?

Eridan let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in before responding as calmly as he could possibly manage. “I have no idea what you mean, Sol. And even if I did, it’s really none of your business. Now will you leave me be? I was tryin to take a nap before you so rudely stormed in.”

“Well I’m here now and I’m making it my buthineth so just anthwer the damned quethtion! I can thee blood on the bandageth, tho don’t try and feed me thome bullcrap line like ‘I don’t know what you mean’.” Sollux air quoted the last part for extra emphasis.

“Look, what do you care?” Eridan huffed out, “I injured myself, I wrapped up the wound, end of story. No big deal. Quit acting so damned nosy.”

“If it’th no big deal, then why won’t you jutht tell me? You look like you’re about to have a panic attack. Theriouthly, did some big bad bully come and beat up poor wittle Eridan? Are you embarrathed becauthe thomeone beat your ath tho bad you need thtitches? I’m trying to come up with who it might be, but then I remind mythelf, ‘Thollux, who could pothibly want to fight with thith lother? He’th practically utheleth without that big-ath rifle of his to hide behind.’ I- woah, are you theriouthly gonna cry?”

Eridan looked close to tears at this point. ‘No Eridan, hold it together. You mustn’t cry in front of Sol, don’t give him even more material to ridicule you with.’ He closed his eyes and turned away, his back to the yellow-blood. “Sol, I am really not in the mood to play games with you right now. Now piss off before I flip my shit.” Eridan began to retreat to his bathroom.

“Oh no you don’t, you thtill haven’t anthwered my quethtion fith fathe.” Sollux wordlessly manipulated his psiionics to tug at the bandages on Eridan’s arms until they began to loosen. He then created a firm hold around the other’s form and brought him facing back around. Eridan was actually kicking and shouting at this point, trying to thrash his way out of the ironclad hold of psychic energy.

“Sol, wait! Please stop, let me down, I said I didn’t wanna talk about it! Are you even listening? I said let me go right now damn it!”

Sollux was in fact not listening to Eridan, or he was at least choosing to ignore him as he was brought closer. The bandages finally released their hold on the other troll’s arms and silently slithered to the floor. Sollux scrutinized the multiple wounds closely. They looked so neat and orderly. Some were even lined up in rows. ‘Well that’s not natural,’ he thought. Being so perfectly clean and straight, they looked almost self-inflicted to Sollux’s untrained medical eye.

It took a moment or so before the ball finally dropped in his scattered mind. They were self-inflicted. Sollux removed his attention from the scarred flesh to glance back up warily at Eridan. He was sobbing openly now; it didn’t look like he could much control it. Gently, the psiionic placed the prince of hope back on his feet. Said prince immediately collapsed to the ground once the hold of psiionics over him had disappeared. He used his newfound freedom to curl up into a protective ball, his knees hugging his chest. Sollux looked on helplessly at Eridan’s huddled form, not sure what to do now that he found the answer he was looking for.

He let out a small cough, wordlessly informing the pitiful being on the floor that he was still there. Eridan hiccupped another sob in reply. “So,” Sollux began, “Thith hath thertainly been a thocking revelathion for me. I’m thure you have your own perthonal reathonth for doing thomething ath idiotic ath thelf-harm, tho I thoppothe I’ll butt out for now. Uh, I don’t really know what elthe there is to thay here tho I gueth I’ll jutht… let mythelf out.” 

Sollux awkwardly made his way to the door, until he heard a faint muffled reply. He turned his head back around. “Uh, you’ll have to thpeak up a little, ED. I can’t underthtand you.” Sollux nervously shuffled from foot to foot as he watched Eridan weakly make his way back into a proper sitting position using his hands and knees.

“Sol,” he sounded slightly croaky from crying, “I don’t care what you’re thinkin about what you just saw, but you are not to tell anyone of this incident, understood? No one was supposed to know about this, least of all you. So just keep your fuckin mouth shut, got it?” Eridan’s voice rose in volume as he spoke, until he was practically shouting at Sollux.  
“Well I don’t thee why I thould have to thtay quiet about all thith. It’th not ath though I have anything to loothe from telling everybody. It might even bring thome of them a good laugh.”

Sollux was right of course. He had nothing to lose while Eridan, he had everything to lose if word got out. All the fight left him at this revelation. It was time to switch tactics. “Please Sol, please don’t tell anyone. I’ll do whatever you want. I just… I can’t take it anymore. If the others find out about this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to even leave my room again. Please.”

Sollux stared at the creature on the ground. He had seen Eridan act pretty damned pitiful at times. But this, he had never seen him literally begging at his feet for something. It was kind of sad, really. Sollux thought about the proposal in his head for a moment before speaking. “Alright fith printhe, how about thith. I’ll think on the offer for a little bit and tell you my anthwer later. Don’t bug me while I’m thinking on it, or I’ll tell everyone your dirty little thecret.”

With that final statement, Sollux left a speechless Eridan on the floor behind him so he could retreat back to his own room. Before he walked down the hallway, Sollux propped the door back into its proper place, leaving the thin wooden shield to hide the broken troll behind it from the rest of the universe. As he made his way to the sanctity of his own room, Sollux wondered what in the world he was supposed to do with the heavy new knowledge he had acquired about a certain sad little seadweller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's as far as I'm caught up on chapters for noooow! Just kind of... thinking on how best to proceed... Well, we'll see how things turn out for our little fishy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry to all my followers out there. Please know that it was not my intention to leave this story without an update for so long. Certain events beyond my control barred me from updating. But rest assured I am back now and the story will continue.

Sollux stared blankly at his computer screen as he continued to type. It wasn’t until a full minute later that he refocused on his screen and saw that he had written nothing but gibberish for almost an entire page. He sighed before closing the whole program without saving; there would be no real progress made that evening anyway. The mage’s head was too scrambled with other distracting thoughts at the moment, none of which would help with his programming and all of which happened to do with a troublesome seadweller.

Said seadweller was busy on the other side of the room pretending to type, when in actuality he was consumed with intently watching Sollux’s every muscle twitch. If anyone else bothered to glance at Eridan, they would have been possibly confused or exasperated by seeing his eyes constantly flicking between the Psiionic’s profile and his own screen. Of course anyone who noticed would have also assumed that the one-sided stare match was because of Eridan’s none too well hidden hatred of the yellow blood.

Only the prince and mage knew the true reason for the stares. When Sollux bothered to slide his eyes towards Eridan, the nervous anxiety in every single one of the violet blood’s muscles was blaringly obvious to him. It looked as though the only thing keeping Eridan from getting out of his seat and violently shaking the other was the fear of his secret being revealed. They both knew that Sollux wasn’t above such blackmail, so in his own seat he remained planted.

Eventually just sitting there waiting, pretending to be interested in whatever was going on on his computer, and being in the same room as his silent tormentor became too much for the currently fragile seadweller. With a sudden burst of energy, Eridan leapt from his chair and stalked out of the room in a distressed huff.

Sollux smirked at his retreating back. He knew that it was wrong, but he gleaned a certain glee from holding such a weight over Eridan. Of course he also felt horribly guilty; but he couldn’t tell if that was supposed to be natural or if it was just his fucked-up thinkpan being an emotional dick. He hadn’t bothered to tell his royal majesty that he hadn’t actually decided on what to do with the information he had yet. It seemed cruel to tell the others, but then Eridan was a pompous asshole. At least he used to be. Now he just seemed kind of lifeless most of the time.

Without being able to think of a real reason behind it, Sollux suddenly came to a decision on what to do with the heavy knowledge he held. It was a split decision that he knew he would no doubt regret later, but for the moment it seemed to be the right thing to do.

The yellow blood rubbed at his temples before getting up out of his chair. ‘This is going to be a very time-consuming project,’ he thought with a cringe.

Slowly he plodded off in the direction of Eridan’s retreat. The hallway was silent; most everyone was either in the main computer room or in their own respective rooms. It gave Sollux a little time to reflect on all the future trouble he was going to cause himself by making this decision. Really, if he knew the true extent of what this decision would have on him, the Psiionic might just have turned around then and there and wiped his hands of the whole mess. But Sollux could only see the future deaths of his race, not the future his individual choices would make.

As he approached Eridan’s room and raised his hand to knock, Sollux let out a heavy “woe-is-me” sigh. Surely the troll on the other end of the newly repaired doorway heard that, but he still chose to wait to open the door until after Sollux had gone through the pleasantries of a proper knock. His life may be in the lowblood’s hands, but that didn’t mean he could just suddenly stop being an ass towards him. Old habits die hard.

Eridan peeked his head just outside the crack in the doorway before yanking Sollux inside and slamming the door shut. “Well?” he said immediately, hands cocked on his hips, “Have you decided on how you plan to sully my reputation beyond recognition?” The look of defiance on his face was somewhat ruined by how terrified he appeared to be. It seemed to Sollux as though Eridan was trying very hard not to fall apart at the seams under the weight of his own trembling. It was almost pitifully adorable. Almost.

Sollux preformed a very impressive full eye roll at the prince. “Calm down your dramatics fithlips; I’m not tho horrible ath you theem to make me out to be. I have an idea for how this arrangement ith gonna go down, but not by me thpilling your pathetically thad thecret to the world.”

Eridan looked more than a bit taken aback at the realization that the other troll was not, in fact, going to destroy his life with the power he held. After all, it’s what he would have done were the tables turned. But then the seadweller instantly became weary again when he thought of all the things Sollux could demand of him with that kind of mental firepower at his disposal. It was not a happy thought, and Eridan showed as much by shivering in displeasure.

“What do ya want from me, Sol?” he said, eyes full of hopelessness at his current predicament.

“It’th very simple, ED. All I want from you ith to thtop cutting. If you don’t, I’ll jutht tell everyone about your little hobby.”

Eridan’s head snapped up, eyes now full of miserable rage. “What kind of shitty deal is this? Why do you give a flying fuck what I do with my body! It should make no difference to you whether I’m dead or alive, and what I do in the privacy of my own room should be no different! Gimme one good reason why I should take your offer and do anything with it other than shove it back up your own pretentious asshole!”

That was a mildly impressive display on Eridan’s part, but Sollux didn’t expect this to be easy. With a telltale smirk in place he said, “Do you mean other than the fact that if you don’t do what I thay I’ll tell everyone?” Eridan just gawked at him in outrage. “Okay, lemme put it into thimple termth for you. Yeth I thtrongly dithlike you. And yeth, under normal thercumthtances I woulnd’t give a fuck whether you live or die. But for uth to fight and win againtht whatever ith waiting for uth at the end of thith athteroid trip, we are going to need every able-bodied troll to fight. That includes you. And you won’t be able to help uth and be in fighting condithion if you thpend your dayth thlicing open your writhtth. With your thitty luck one of thethe dayth you’re gonna bleed yourthelf out on acthident. Tho thuck it up and quit the cutting.”

Sollux snapped his teeth shut with a distinctive click and waited for the other’s response. ‘Oh god I hope he doethn’t break down in front of me again,’ he thought, just as Eridan’s eyes began to fill up with unwanted tears.

“Sollux,” he choked off with a strangled sob, “I don’t think you understand. I need this relief; it’s the only way I can bring myself to get through each day. If you make me stop, I won’t know what to do with myself. Believe me I’d rather just off myself and be done with it, but I can’t even do that fucking right. I’ve tried, but I always stop at the crucial moment. Don’t take away from me the only thing I have left!”

Eridan crumpled to the ground in front of Sollux for the second time that week and bawled into his hands. “Oh geez,” the Psiionic mumbled to himself. ‘He’th even more broken than I thought. Thit, I don’t think I can leave him unthupervithed like thith. He’d probably try something drathtic like try to kill himthelf again; and thith time he might suctheed.’

“Ok ED,” he began, “Obviouthly you can’t be truthted to be left alone right now. Tho I think I’m gonna have to thtay here for the night. Never thought I’d have to watch over thomeone for Thuithide Watch, but I gueth I was wrong. It’th getting late, tho you thould go to bed. I think I’m gonna thtay up for a little longer to make thure you don’t try anything.” God, he was beginning to feel like Eridan’s grubsitter with this speech.

Said troll was obviously not listening to what Sollux was saying, as he was still busy being an emotional overly distraught wreck on the ground. The sobbing had not quieted since a few minutes ago. The yellow blood decided he was, unfortunately, going to have to get physical with the sea troll to get him settled for the night. Thankfully his powers would make the task much easier for both of them.

Eridan thrashed and cursed out the other when he felt the psiionics overpowering his body. The cursing was actually kind of impressive; there were some nasty names he was being called that he hadn’t even heard of before. But the violet blood’s tongue lashing could hardly affect him when Sollux was already so hard on himself all the time. Sollux continued to hold Eridan down to the bed as the struggling and shouting went on for several more minutes. When he finally began to calm down a bit, Eridan went completely limp, and the shouting was replaced by soft whimpering. 

It really hadn’t taken that long to tire him out, but then he wasn’t really taking very good care of himself lately. Eridan just stared listlessly at the wall while quietly repeating something under whispered breath. Sollux leaned in to hear and heard over and over, “Please don’t make me, please don’t make me…” As he leaned back he was uncomfortably surprised to see that the seadweller still had enough water left in him to continue crying soft tears that slid silently down his cheeks.

Luckily this distressing display didn’t last for long as Eridan soon slipped into a deep slumber. Sollux saw this as a good time to find and destroy the other’s tools of self-harm. It didn’t take long for him to find a cabinet full of instruments that wouldn’t seem out of place in an emergency room. He pulled out all the sharp looking objects. They were mostly razor blades, a few straight blades, and one scalpel. That last one he found at the very bottom of the drawer. It disturbed Sollux quite a bit more than he thought it would to see the implements with which Eridan had harmed his own body. How anyone could derive pleasure from such a task he couldn’t begin to fathom. He experimentally nicked the tip of his index finger with the scalpel. It was very sharp and stung like hell. Sollux stared at both his finger and the scalpel in disgust.

Picking up the sharp objects in one of the rags in the cabinet, the yellow blood chucked them all in the trash. He glanced back once to look at the sleeping seadweller’s form, and a frown slowly graced his lips. He would not allow Eridan to self-harm again. Not while he was watching over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes me excited, but also very sad. I can't help but torture Eridan, but it always makes me feel like garbage afterwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahahaha, yes I got into AO3! I already submitted this to Fanfiction.net but I thought I should join this crowd too. This is my first story, enjoy.


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